Dara Marie

New Events

2011-01-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

I haven't written a blog in months. I have found myself either not having time to sit and write about the important things going on in my life, not feeling like what I have to say is "blog worthy" enough when I do have time, or how it usually works, I just don't feel like writing things out for everyone to read. But today, I feel like I should share.

So here's the run down of my life:

-I'm getting married to the most incredible man I could ever imagine marrying. That sounds so cheesy, I know, but it's true. Mason propsed to me on September 25, 2010. We got dressed up. My parents too pictures (lots of them, I was getting kind of suspicious after my dad was taking pictures out the window when we were driving away). He took me to The Reata in downtown Fort Worth (great food, beautiful atmosphere-we ate on the rooftop, and we both absolutely love being downtown). The whole dinner was perfect. I didn't really assume he was going to propose or anything, he was so calm and we just had fun. Then we walked around, went to Barnes and Nobel for a bit, then left downtown. We started heading in the direction of the Museum District and ended up outside of the Kimble Art Museum. The Kimble is a special place to us. In highschool and early college before we dated, we hung outside of it at night there alot with a group of great friends. There is a really cool fountain that we would put our feet in and just sit and talk. When we started dating, we'd go and sit out there and talk for hours. So, anyways, we ended up at the Kimble where after sitting on a bench talking about random things, he pulled me up, got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. My answer did not come right away, not because I was unsure, but because I was hyperventillating and crying because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I of course said yes when I could breath again! It really was special. We headed to my parent's house afterwards where we were greated with joyous tears, love, and support. The fact that I get to marry Mason is so exciting, but also a beautiful picture of God's grace. I am constantly seeing the picture of Christ's death and Resurection on my life through this engagement. I am so amazed that the Lord has let me marry a man with such passion to know Christ after all of my past sin and mistakes in the past. And am so blessed to be marrying a guy with a graceful heart for me.

-I graduate in May 2011. 4 short years at Texas A&M University. I will miss it, a lot. The culture is all "Aggie". It's something that is so different than anywhere else. I've been in Fort Worth for Christmas break, but last night there was Midnight Yell in the Stockyards of Fort Worth because the Cotton Bowl is today. I was soaking it all in-Aggieland coming to Fort Worth! Ah, my two worlds coliding, ha! I have made some incredible friends that I will miss, but I am am so excited for what is to come. I have an internship in the spring, so I'm not actually taking classes this semester. It should be great!

Those are the two most significant events in my life right now. I'll keep you posted.

Adventure

2010-09-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

I should be working on a paper, but I am not. I am instead blogging. It's funny how I spent all summer without the desire to blog. I was busy, constantly on the go, and when not on the go, just sitting, watching tv, enjoying the rest. But as soon as school gets going, I decide I'd rather blog or facebook rather than research.

Here's the basic layout of my life (tentative schedule):

About 3 months until I am finished with classes in my undergraduate
Christmas break
Then I must complete 13 weeks of legal slavery, also known as an internship.
Graduation!

I have less than a year left in this phase of my life. I'm excited, scared, but ready to move on.

This year will be an adventure!

business of summer

2010-06-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been very good at updating this thing. My life has been pretty consumed with work and school.

Work: I'm working full time as a student worker-its mostly scanning, shredding, writing reciepts and other random things involving paper. The job itself is pretty boring, but I work with some incredible girls. I'm also just getting to build relationships with women who have such extreme backgrounds and different paths of life. It's definately a diverse community here, and I'm really learning alot.

School: I'm taking Calculus online. Possibly the worst idea ever. But I'm getting through, currently have a 70 average! It's a ton of homework without much time. I however only have 2 weeks left, and I will be done with math forever!

In a couple of weeks I'll be heading to Youth camp with my home church as a sponsor and I'm so excited! Youth girls are so great, and its such a blessing to have the oppertunity to hang out with them and see the Lord work through them, and me.

Worthy of Love

2010-06-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

"You make me worthy of love and beautiful."-Bethany Dillion, Beautiful.
That line resonates within my heart so well. I often catch myself longing more and more for love, without pursuing the Maker of love, the one who is himself Love. The whole concept of love overwhelms me when I try to comprehend all that it incompasses. It is a desire that every person desires, for no one ever really wishes to be loved less. It is something we do naturally, as people fall in love daily, have babies, and take care of their parents. But I have come to the conclusion that love would not exist without grace, the same grace that covers us when we accept Christ as our Savior and covers our sins. As we long for love, we are longing for God (this explanation is just a thought processes, so don't quote me). And as we recieve love, we are recieving grace. And by loving others, the Lord is moving.

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faitfullness and you will acknowledge the Lord."- Hosea 2:19-20

Ring Day and Bird Update!

2010-04-18T14:36:00.000-07:00

Bird update!:

Babies have been hatched. Well, 2 have. They are pink, little, slightly feathery creatures. They aren't very cute, but I love them! I felt like a proud parent when they hatched.

Mama Bird flew into our house last night. It took about 20 minutes to get her out. I was afraid she was going to have a heart attack or poop all over the house. But she didn't do either and eventually found her way back to the nest.

RING DAY!:

I got my Aggie Ring! It is gold, shiny, and beautiful! It's kind of a weird feeling having it. I have been waiting for this ring for a while now. I ordered it in January, and became more and more excited about getting it as the time went by. We had a countdown in the kitchen, and Friday, April 16th, was the "I get my Aggie Ring today!" day. My family came, and it was so great getting to share that day with them. My dad got to put the ring on my finger. I got a little teary eyed in that moment. Then there was the ring dunk party that Macie, Bailey and I had. There was lots of good food, wonderful friends, and gold shiny rings! We dunked them at 9. I did unsweet tea, Macie did Gatorade, and Bailey drank this sweetened lime tea. Drinking a whole pitcher of any drink as fast as you can is the worst idea ever!!!! I threw it up right after I was done. We all ended up getting sick at one point or another by the end of the night. But I had so much fun! It was such a great time, and I'm so thankful for everyone who shared that night with me!

Our little bird family

2010-04-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

We have had this wreath on our door since a little after the holiday season. Macie was going to take it down until a bird's nest was discovered within in it. We were then going to move the nest, but little bird eggs had been laid. So, we have a bird and it's furture family living in our doorway. We have all become somewhat emotionally attatched to this new little family. My plan is to somewhat document this, and share it with you all.

Here is the nest with the eggs!!! The momma bird flies away anytime someone approaches the door, or opens it. So, getting a picture of the bird will probably be a tricky task. An egg also fell out a couple of days ago. Sorry birdy!!!

Just a piece.

2010-03-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to study. The focus however does not seem to stay with me. This is what it looks like infront of me.

That CD is Jill DeZwaan. I bought it at Masterpiece, a conference for girls ages 17-25. It was pretty incredible. Here's a picture of what Friday night sort of looked like during the "Part of the Solution" time of the conference.

Masterpiece was such an incredible thing to be apart of. There were about 500 girls, worship, breakout sessions, speakers, and oppertunities to serve and give to those in need. It was a sweet time.

My good friend, Ryan, came for it as well. It was so wonderful to have her here.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Isreal. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful." Jeremiah 31:3-4

Crazy Week

2010-02-14T19:56:00.000-08:00

Crazy Crazy Week!

Last weekend, incredible DNow at Walnut Ridge in Mansfield, TX. Got to see some old friends, new faces, and watch the Lord move.
Chocolate! ASC is selling free trade chocolate for Not-for-Sale.http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/
Not-for-Sale is a campaign whose goal is to help end human trafficing. It's a pretty sweet organization. I was incharge of the chocolate distribution. OOooh! Talk about a lot of bags of chocolate bars in my house all week!
My car broke down in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, in the rain. Thanks to Mason, Lance, and random guy, we got it to a shop to get it fixed. I learned you can start a standard without having to actually have a battery that works.
Friday night out. Ten two-year-olds for 4 hours.
VALENTINES DAY DATE! Mason's birthday is Monday, February 15. He works that day. Therefore, we decided to do Valentines on Saturday and celebrate his birthday today. The date was picture perfect. Ah! I hate to be cheesy, but I have such an incredible boyfriend. We went to dinner at one really nice place. Then, for dessert, we went to a different fancy place. And to top it all off, we went dancing at the end of the night. Soo much fun! I definately felt like one special girl.
Mason's birthday dinner! So, I've never made a roast before. But I did today! It turned out really well. I was super nervous. Lance and Shelly came over to eat with us. Roast, potatoes, cressent rolls, and ceasar salad. Oh, and cookie cake! We ate, laughed, watched some olympics. Fun times. Tomorrow Mason gets his present. I hope he likes it!
I have a cold. Yuck!

Thursday Thoughts

2010-02-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

Thursday's Thoughts:

1. I missed being around a group of girls who desire to be surrounded by other girls. This was my first week back in a WIL group and I LOVE it!
2. School zones need flashing lights at all times. I got a ticket today for speeding in a school zone. It was 11:30 during the day, and I missed the recently put up sign saying it was a school zone all day long. I think flashing lights would get my attention better.
3. Cereal is an adequate dinner.
4. DNow Walnut Ridge starts tomorrow! I'm pretty excited. I think DNows are great.
5. Mason and I made quesadillas today. They were tasty.
6. Eating expired guacamole is a bad idea.
7. I really need to go to bed early.

Wednesday Thoughts

2010-02-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

Just a few random thoughts for the day, some likes, some dislikes, some just random facts.
1. I love meeting new people.
2. It sort of hurts my feelings when people who I've met and have had several conversations with don't acknowledge me on campus.
3. I'm overly sensitive.
4. Ice cream and/or milk shakes help when frustrated.
5. "Word vomitting" is a funny, enjoyable thing sometimes.
6. Laughing will lift my spirits.
7. Relient K is fun.
8. Ah...being sketchy...why!?
9. HEB is not the best grocery store choice in CS. Albertsons, all the way!
10. Todlers love the rain, and when it gets dark, and when its pretty outside, and when its cold, and when its warm, and storming, and snowing, and sleeting. I think they just love God's creation. I want to be more like a todler sometimes.
11. Parents of 2 year olds need to get together and decide which way they are going to potty train their boys so when nursery workers or baby sitters are with them, they are properly prepared on what way to handle the situation. Today, a little boy fell into the toilet because of this sort of confustion.
12. I have formed a new love for my old converse.
13. I want to go dance.
14. I'm super excited about dnow this weekend.

Whoop! Thanks and Gig 'em!

DNow NBC

2010-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

Grace in its purest form calls you and me to give up the game of minimum integrity.

Ah, to live fully, freely. Bound by grace, fully desiring to follow after Christ. Obedience.

I had the blessing to be apart of a DNow this weekend at Normandale Baptist Church. I was in one of the two 11th and 12th grade groups. It was so incredibly encouraging. I saw faith renewed, growth, "ah-ha!" moments, joy, tears, unity. I watched as new Christians fall deeper in love with the :Lord, and decisions to let go and follow be made. I talked to girls who were about to go to college, or even England for 6 months. Fear, nervousness, excitement, joy. Lots of emotions come from highschool girls! But the Lord moved. It was cool. I didn't take alot of pictures, other than at DinoRock, which is the place for the fun free time every year. So here are some of the beautiful faces that moved in my life this weekend.

The Start of 2010

2010-01-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

Spring 2010. The start of the end of my junior year.
3 semesters left.
2 semesters of class.
1 semester of interning.
It's pretty crazy. I was dreading coming back to school after this past break. I think I was burned out a little. maybe still kind of am. I loved being at home. Friends, family, comfort. Love it! But this semester has so much to bring, which I am completely excited about. Here's the breakdown.

1. DNow Normandale
2.DNow Walnut Ridge
3. Being an Outreach chair for ASC-working with Redeemed Ministires and Not for Sale, helping to free people of human and sex trafficing and rehabilitating them through the Gospel, and organizing any other service or mission oppertunity for the women in ASC.
4. John Mayer Concert
5. New friends, and quality time with old.
6.April 16, I get my Aggie Ring!
7.May 12- Start of Summer.

Silly

2009-12-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

I am a silly girl who finds worth in sill things.

Merry Christmas.

challenge.

2009-12-20T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have no blogged in quite a while. My thoughts have been so jumbled. Challenged. That's the best word to describe the past four or so months of my life. I've never struggled much with my faith before. Believing and knowing have always come easy to me. I had strong, deep, Godly people guiding me through highschool. The first few years of college, I set my foot in a vast group of girls seeking the Lord and friendship. This semester I was without both. I switched churches as well. I work in the nursery. I am in love with toddlers. They brighten my spirit daily. But toddlers don't deepen my understanding of scripture. They definately deepen my understanding of the love, grace and patience of the Lord, but apparently that'ts not what my soul is longing to know more of. For months I had no clue what I was even searching for. I struggled long and hard with this. I felt so uneasy, almost depressed. Nothing within me was content. I kept praying for answers. I read my bible, I worshiped, fellowshiped, nothing. I just felt empty and couldn't even pin-point the issue or the struggle. Then one day last week, the Lord helped me figure out atleast what my struggle really is. It an incredible weight lifeted off of me, atleast knowing what my challenge is, what I'm fighting for. This is what I have come up with to what I am facing:
1. Trying to figure out who God is deeper than what I've been taught. Deeper than surface reading and even deeper than theological talks. I need to know who God is and what that means exactly for my life and my future.
2. Who I am as a woman. Fear snuck in on me recently. I used to be so open, and something happened that closed me in one day. Fearful is not a characteristic I desire. Because of this fear, I began comparing myself to other girls and women. "If I could only be more like her.." My good friend Jessie said something that has helped bring me out of this aweful view of my life. She reminded me that we CAN'T be like other women, because we aren't created to be what they are. We are created to be our own selves, with our own tallents. I just have to figure out exactly who that is.
3. Simply growing up. It's a scary thing. I'm not good with change, nor decision making.

With all this said, I'm not saying any of this is bad. This is such a great time in my life. To be challenged. I've come to terms with the fact that this one isn't going to be given to me. God is making me search and fight.

Matt Chandler

2009-12-07T19:19:00.000-08:00

Video from Matt

This video is encouraging. Matt Chandler is a Godly, well spoken man. I've listen to his podcasts occasionally, have heard him speak at a conference, and hear so many people discussing his thoughts, and quoting his sermans. As explained in the video, they found a brain tumor last week. He went into surgery Friday. As of now, all is going well with his recovery. There are over 36,000 people in the "Praying for Matt Chandler" facebook group. The Lord is using him for sure. It's been an encouragement to me along with so many others to see his faith through this whole ordeal.

"O Lord, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow." Psalm 144:3-4

sickly rest

2009-11-18T14:55:00.000-08:00

Last night I broke out with this mysterious fever. Previously that evening, I had been playing raquetball, eating Spoons Frozen Yogurt, complaining about my old lady hip to my roommates, then plopping in the floor in the halloway between their doors to discuss New Moon. I had been feeling kind of weird, headache, a little achy, but I had reason in my head to why that might be, like seasonal changes always mess with my allergies, and then I just played raquetball, duh I'd be sore! But I took my temperature before I got in the shower last night. I take my temperature often. I'm a halfway hypochondriac. Macie laughed at me when I explained my temperature taking obsession to her, ha! But anyways, my temperature was 100.1. Strange. So, I go to bed. The chills hit, so I turned on my electric blanket. I love electric blankets by the way. I wake up around 1:30 a.m. to find my shirt soaked in sweat and my temperature risen to 101.5. At this point I finaly make myself get up to take some ibuprofiin. Much better. I make an appointment to the health center on campus, and go to sleep. I wake up with no fever, but feel extremely fatiqued, sore throat and head ache. At the health center, Beutel, they test me for strep. Doctors ALWAYS test me for strep, it never fails. I told them that I'm always tested and never have it, but the doctor insisted on the test. I of course did not have strep. The diagnosis was "viral". Those viruses are so tricky. No meds, just rest. So I did exactly that. Came home, got into bed, and slept. As inconvienent being sick is, for I have to miss work, and 3 classes, I think God let me have this for a reason. To rest. I have been so busy, running around, doing everything I can, studying, lunch/dinner with friends, time with Mason, paper writing, bible studies, ect... I've been on this constant go, I havent had time to just rest. Rest in the Lord. I am still fatigued and weak, but my heart and mind have rested.

Texas Tech Tshirt

2009-11-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

I am an Aggie, no ifs-ands-or-buts about it.
BUT..
I have this OLD Texas Tech shirt that I sleep in reguarly. I got this shirt when I was 5 or 6 from on of my mom's friend's daughter for Christmas one year. She went to Tech, obviously, and like most college kids who need an easy gift, a T-shirt with your school logo is always a good option. Come to think of it, this shirt is a size large, meaning she probably got it for free. An adult large is never actually meant for a small child to wear.

This shirt has mega holes in it. I've worn it for over 15 years to sleep in. It's been through a lot. But I still am extremely comfortable in this shirt and will keep it until it litterally falls apart and becomes unwearable.

some days

2009-10-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

Some days, I feel free as a bird. Ready to fly into whatever the world has for me.
Other days, I feel trapped and ready to quit. Can't break free of this lonely, hurtful, scary box.
Some days, I feel so blessed with such wonderful friendships and love.
Other days, I feel as if there is no one around for miles who would even care to hear my name.
Some days, I want to learn and live.
Other days, I want to sleep in. Or better yet, just run away from everything. Just go, elope. Move to California.
Inconsitant.

Does it ever change?

2009-10-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel today.

Sunset

2009-10-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

I found this picture early and thought it was absolutely beautiful. Its a good representation of my day so far.

Haircut!

2009-10-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

I cut Mason's hair yesterday.

Mind you, I the only thing I have ever done involving hair and scisors is when I cut my hair in the 2nd grade.I had never been so nervous to mess something up in my life. But it was a decent success!

Empty dreams

2009-10-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

Superchick still remains in my heart as the all time "feel better after a rough day" music.

I've been struggling alot with my place in life. I feel sort of like a nomad, wandering around without much of a goal in mind. One of my professors asked us the other day to write down a list of our major life goals and keep them. She said she did this during her undergrad. She explained how she has found that writing goals and dreams down has always helped motivate her to actually go after those dreams. So I sat there for about 5 minutes with nothing on my paper. I want to graduate. I want to get help people. I want to eventaully get married. I want to grow in the Lord, fall deeper in love with Jesus, and be obedient in his dreams for me. But as for tangible things, I feel like my goals are pretty shallow. I'm trying to understand it. Most people have a list of goals, and I really don't. Maybe the Lord created this within me to keep my focus on Him. Maybe he knows that if I set out on a big dream, it may become a god in my life.

Mason bought me a pink nalgene today. I love it.

"Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." John 17:17.

Humanity and weather

2009-09-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

Humanity is an ironic thing. When in danger, we instinctively act in a way to protect ourselves and those we love. But when the threat of danger has passed, compassion takes over. It is a hard struggle. Now, I understand this is not the case in all circumstances, or for all people. I have though heard a few stories on this topic lately. The same pattern occurs in them all. Hurt, action to stop the hurt, compassion. This is just an observation of mine.

On a lighter side of things, weather has been crazy. It was hot, then cool, then hot again. I usually like to think the warm weather is the way to go, but after I experienced 70 degree weather for 3 days, I'm a fan of the cold front.

I am now capable of saving many lives. Within the past week I have become CPR and SIDS certified. Parents-you can now trust me with your children.

October is coming.

Changes.

2009-08-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

Changes I need to make:

1. Spend as much time as possible with my friends.
2. Don't waste time, use it.
3. Exercise often.
4. Eat more vegetables.
5. Eat more fruit.
6. Drink less caffiene, more water.
7. Make the most of every oppertunity.
8. Attempt to not completely stress out over school and money.
9. Be myself. No matter what.

*This list may change at any point.

2009-08-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

I have been told, more than once, that my blogs are a bit depressing. This may be another depression, or, a celebration.

This summer has been long. It has been short as well. I wasted time. I sat around, studied, watched a few movies, read a book, spent time with friends, went on vacation to Mexico, took a few tests, went to Galveston once. This is typical. There wasn't much adventure, but it wasn't horrible either. It was over all 'pleasant'. However, I didn't grow. I became oh-so complacent with my life. I let the Lord come in second, or third, or even forth place. I put on the face of righteousness. It was a good act, an act that I honestly started believing myself. The lyrics from "What Do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road can pretty much sum up my attitude. They go as follows:

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven

But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small

I never feared You at all

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?'

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

The bolded lyrics at the end of this peice is what broke my heart. I did know all the strories and knew how to talk about how Mighty God is. But man! "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."(Psalm 73:25-26) The psalmist knew of Holy. "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." (Psalm 9:1-2).

I don't really have a good closing for this post. This is just my heart. The end.

weddings, music, and whoops.

2009-06-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

I have a new obsession with photography. I have no knowledge in the art, but when someone can capture emotion in people, it really amazes me. A few minutes ago, I was wasting time, avoiding studying for A&P, and went to the Seize the Day, by Agung Fauzi, website and began to watch some slide shows from recent weddings. I clicked on the first couple's engagement pictures first. I see one picture that resembles a "whoop" pose, but I was unsure. I then watched the slide show photographs from the actual wedding. The pictures were beautiful, the bride, the flowers, it was all beautiful, and in the background of the slide show was the song 'Mighty is the Power of the Cross" by Chris Tomlin. That was the song this couple chose to capture their wedding day. I began to tear up a little as I was encouraged by these people who I had never even seen before. As I continue viewing, shiny gold rings keep appearing. Sure enough, they were Aggie Rings! And to join the rings, came pictures of the wedding guests and party lined up singing the War Hymn. I felt instantly connected to these people. They are inspiring, just based on wedding photography, their faith, and their Aggie Spirit.

Mighty is the power of the cross. WHOOP!

http://www.agungfauzi.com/jennifer_andrew_wed/index.html (this is that page)

Convenience: the friendship killer

2009-06-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am a junior in college, and at 20 years old, I feel exactly the same bit of lonesome-ness I experienced as a freshman, just entering into this world that came to be mine 2 years ago. I have found that friendships come and go, and no one ever seems to be more concerned about "you" than they are "me". I am guilty of it, but I want to be free of the selfish ambitions that make college students "independent". Sure, I enjoy the occasional me-time to breath, think, plan, talk to God, etc..., but it would be so wonderful to share all of those experiences with a woman who shared hers with me as well. Convenience is a tornado that is killing the best relationships, friendships. It's really never convenient to spend quality time with people, but it's worth it. I need to do a better job.

2009-05-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

O finals.
How I loathe thee.

Ah, 25 hours til Spring '09 becomes Summer '09. Please come faster!

The Ways of the Lord are Right

2009-04-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

"The Lord said to me, 'Go show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." Hosea 3:1

I have loved the sacred raisin cakes. I have loved them more than my God. I have loved pleasure more than righteousness and wanted to satisfy my desires myself. I have sinned, over and over, knowing the end result of pain and frustration, shame and embarrassment.

"When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them." Hosea 11:1-4

I have fallen and disappointed. I have disappointed so many. Yet He still calls me.

"They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west. They will come trembling like birds from Egypt, like doves from Assyria. I will settle them in their homes,'declares the Lord." Hosea 11:11

"Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips."...."I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them."

Hosea

2009-04-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Created with perfection.
-----
Lost.
-----
Taken in, loved.
----
Forgot.
----
Chased after, forgiven, embraced.
----
Fallen.
----
Picked up.
----
Ran.
----
Watched.
----
Redeemed.

Read Hosea.

Mexico

2009-03-28T21:10:00.001-07:00

It's been 2 weeks since I have been back from Ciudad Victoria, Mexico. I miss it. I miss the simplicity in living, the simplicity in worship, the simplicity of pride and the greatness of God that was so evident during worship every night. The worship was in Spanish and English, and though I have experienced this kind of worship several times, it never seizes to bring an overwhelming sense of how great God is. "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." Psalm 18:30. It's hard to deny God's perfection when worshiping side by side with people who speak a different language. It's such a sweet sound.

No guilt in life

2009-03-01T10:32:00.000-08:00

"No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand"

YEAH!
The Lord is good and He is so faithful.
I'm just going to live in that.

Go and sin no more.

2009-02-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

Shame.
I am shameful in all I am.
Nakedness and sin, destroying the God I hold true.
Selfish.
I am selfish in all I do.
Lust and greed, the path of righteousness only holds few.
Wicked.
I am wicked in all my plans.
Lies and deciept, pretending I have it all figured out.

Truth.
"Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."-Jesus says this in John 8.
The woman was an adultress, caught in the act.
She was taken, in all of her nakedness and sin in front of a crowd of people, and Jesus.
Embarrassed and ashamed.
I know that shame.
But Jesus took the woman and told her that he has not condemned her.
Freedom. Freedom from her shame. Freedom from her sin.
Grace.
I am writing to be honest. If I hide this, I am only lying to you, whoever you may be reading this.
I have messed up.
I have let my selfishness take my purity. Not just once.
But the God who I sinned against has not condemned me, but set me free. Go and sin no more.

2009-02-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

Awkward.

I am apparently described as just that.

Amaturish, artless, blundering, graceless.
Incompetent, inept, rude, stiff, unfit.
Unskilled and uncordinated.

Strangely enough, I feel just like that.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleating; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

....

Today, I miss you.

2009-02-06T20:22:00.001-08:00

Today, I miss you.

Your comfort, acceptance.

Your intimacy, your love.

Your friendship and compassion.

Your support, your understanding.

Your hugs, embrace.

Today, I miss you.

I'm a little homesick today. I miss home and all that it includes. Family, love, friendships, Mason. I miss it a ll today.

debating memorization

2009-02-04T19:25:00.000-08:00

The start of this semester was also the start of my ability to remain tired regardless of the amount of sleep and rest. It was the start of endless amounts of homework and miserably missing a boy. It was the start of a new bible study to teach, new job, new feel. I havent had much time to just sit and think on my own. I am constantly being fed what to think, what to know, what to memorize and what to dream. I would love to simply pick up a book and read for my own pleasure. For character building, for meaning. But I am stuck reading about chemical compounds in biological substances, essays that other people have written that I do not understand and information about health that is halfway common knowledge. I am choosing to study this, therefore, maybe it is my choice to read this material. Either way, I am still not thinking thoughts of my own.

Mason has decided to challenge me in this lately. We had never once argued(more so debated) any subject until it was brought up that I actually enjoy that. So they begin. I can defend what I believe. I enjoy it. He usually has a way to change my thoughts a little, but it is nice to be challenged on information that I think on my own, not information that I am supposed to simply memorize and correctly fill in the bubble on the dredded test day. It is nice to take a stand and be passionate about something, even if I am just making something up to prove him wrong. It is a break from the books and an entrance into the heart of what matters.

The Weight of it All.

2009-01-25T21:15:00.001-08:00

For the past week I have been halfway dieting, halfway obsessing, halfway eating well, halfway working out, halfway doing it all. I've never really been a girl who worried about her weight. I've dieted a few times, but never something I put much thought in. I am about 5 feet 6 inches. Right now, I weight 143. Thats what the scale said tonight. I successfully put on 10 pounds over the Christmas break. I've always just ate what I wanted, until the day come when the scale made it clear that eating what I want and having little physical activity is going to put me down a road that I do not want to be on. I am realizing that by living with that habbit of selfish eating and laziness, I am by no means honoring my body, which is dishonoring my Creator as well. I want to live a life holy and pleasing to Him, and that includes what I eat and what I do with my body. So with this said, I have set some goals for myself:

Eat healthy. This does not include chips, maccaroni and cheese and nothing else for dinner, cupcakes, ect.
Exercise for atleast 3o min a day. Cardio and weights and abs. It's all important.
Drink more water than diet coke. Lots and lots of water.
Be self-disciplined. Just say no. It's tempting, but YOU can do it!

Focused Motivation

2009-01-23T21:15:00.001-08:00

I wonder why it is so hard to focus on the things that are important in life. I am sitting here attempting to read from my biology textbook. It is heavy. It encases about 1300 pages, all printed on that glossy sort of paper. The light reflects off the white page. It is bright, causing my eyes to strain as I read, making it so much easier to just open this computer and start focusing on things more entertaining, like my blog, or facebook, or Target. I want motivation. I NEED me some motivation. Biology isn't the only thing that I am having a problem focusing on today. The Word of God. Why is it so hard to be motivated to spend time with God? It really makes no sense other than the fact that I am a wicked girl who likes things my own way. I need a change of heart. I need motivation. yep.

Simply Rejoice.

2009-01-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

Thursday: leave home, come back to school.
Friday: leave my home at school, go to Conroe.
Friday night: Disciple Now.
Saturday: Disciple Now.
Sunday: leave Conroe, head back to school.
Sunday night: first day of work.
Monday: rest
Tuesday: classes begin.

The past few days have been incredible. I had to opportunity to teach 11th grade girls at a Disciple Now with a girl who has an amazing passion for the Lord. I was humbled so much through this weekend. But now it is back to textbooks, exams, lectures and way too little sleep. I am retaking two classes, which is hard for me to be OK with. Rejoice in the Lord always, right? That's my goal for this semester. Simply rejoice.

My God is SO Big, SO Strong and SO Mighty

2009-01-14T20:50:00.001-08:00

Today has been an interesting day. I have been uplifted and broken, excited and saddened, exhaulted and then knocked down. I am not clean nor pure. I am not holy or righteous or even good. I am disgusting. I am broken. I am evil at heart. But I have a God who was and is and will always be perfection. He is the God who has fixed me and cleansed me. He has said that he loves me and that I am his. He created me for himself. Not for a boy, not for a job or a degree, but for his glory and majesty.

I find myself worrying alot. I fear failure. I fear dissapointment. I fear heartbreak. Yet, God says to fear Him. I'm learning that fearing God isn't to be scared of His wrath, but to know that what he commands is truth and disobedience is something that should be feared, for if it is the opposite of truth, it must be false. Francis Chan in Crazy Love talks about worry as saying that our circumstances are more important than God. It makes sense. I'm letting go of me today. Anything I can claim to my name is being let go. I don't want my grades, my time, my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my stuff, to be more important than the God who saved my soul and guides me in His perfect truth.

bling bling

2008-12-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

Engagement rings seem to be popping up on everyones fingers these days. Diamonds and gold and silver shining all around. It's exciting. I am starting to feel a lot older these days due to this. My best friends have serious boyfriends and the idea of spending the rest of our lives with someone isn't a farfetched idea anymore. I am a girl, and I try really hard to stray away from the tendencies of picking out wedding colors and baby names, fully knowing that plans can change, but it still all brings excitement within me. Along with the rings, pretty deep conversations have been sparked from this idea of marriage and I am learning a lot just from watching these friends of mine plan for the rest of their life, not just a long awaited day, and night of course. They are planning to become a part of something that is supposed to be a representation of God. They talk about how it's so much more than just picking out invitations, and how the preparation for marriage, not just a wedding, is what takes work, but is what makes that day so exciting. I think thats pretty awesome.

A Weekend at Home

2008-12-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

I've been home for a few days now from school. It's been good. I have worked the past two days, spilling all of my energy out on kids who need help following directions to simply be quiet while the teacher is talking. After those days of work, I have had the privilege to spend some time with the boy who is rapidly stealing my heart. It has been such a wonderful time for me. Last night we went thrift store adventuring, downtown to eat, Walmart, looked at Christmas lights, and then watched a movie on the couch. Time with him is something that I have found to be so appreciated. I see him only every once and a while. But those times with him are wonderful. Looking at Christmas lights was so much fun. We laughed at them more than we admired them. "Well there's Satan's house there!"(talking about houses with red lights- and if that is you, I'm sorry if that offended you). Needless to say, I laughed. We also saw Santa chilllin in the bushes, LED creepy lights, and terrible combinations of multi colored lights, white lights, red lights, blow up Santa, snowmen, and other random characters. It wasn't pretty, but we laughed.

And today, I went to a wedding. It definitely the coolest wedding I have ever been to. The decorations were not flowers, but dead trees, with pearls and snowflakes and candles hanging down from them with white paper lantern's. The wedding party wore Toms instead of dress shoes and needless to say the bride was beautiful. I cried a lot during the ceremony. I think about the day when it will be my day to walk down the isle in a white dress. A lot of things run through my head about whether or not I am even worthy of a man who can lead me spiritually and will take me for all that I am. I am not exactly the purest girl in the world, but I rest in the fact that Christ made me pure. "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are as red as crimson, they shall be like wool."-Isaiah 1:18 And then I start to think about the woman and the wife that I hope to be someday. A woman grounded in the Word of God, assured in her faith and disciplined. A woman who is loving and hospitable, generous and selfless. And most of all, I want to be a woman who loves the Lord way more than a man. I don't really do any of those things well yet, but one day, that is the woman I want to be.

I welcome myself to legit blogging

2008-12-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

I have been a xanga-er for the past 6 years or so. It has been good, but I felt like it was time to start a big girl blog and be real with it for once. So here I am. Dara Marie. Ready to type it all out.