Go and sin no more.

Shame.
I am shameful in all I am.
Nakedness and sin, destroying the God I hold true.
Selfish.
I am selfish in all I do.
Lust and greed, the path of righteousness only holds few.
Wicked.
I am wicked in all my plans.
Lies and deciept, pretending I have it all figured out.

Truth.
"Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."-Jesus says this in John 8.
The woman was an adultress, caught in the act.
She was taken, in all of her nakedness and sin in front of a crowd of people, and Jesus.
Embarrassed and ashamed.
I know that shame.
But Jesus took the woman and told her that he has not condemned her.
Freedom. Freedom from her shame. Freedom from her sin.
Grace.
I am writing to be honest. If I hide this, I am only lying to you, whoever you may be reading this.
I have messed up.
I have let my selfishness take my purity. Not just once.
But the God who I sinned against has not condemned me, but set me free. Go and sin no more.

Awkward.

I am apparently described as just that.

Amaturish, artless, blundering, graceless.
Incompetent, inept, rude, stiff, unfit.
Unskilled and uncordinated.

Strangely enough, I feel just like that.


"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleating; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

....

Today, I miss you.

Today, I miss you.

Your comfort, acceptance.

Your intimacy, your love.

Your friendship and compassion.

Your support, your understanding.

Your hugs, embrace.

Today, I miss you.

I'm a little homesick today. I miss home and all that it includes. Family, love, friendships, Mason. I miss it all today.

debating memorization

The start of this semester was also the start of my ability to remain tired regardless of the amount of sleep and rest. It was the start of endless amounts of homework and miserably missing a boy. It was the start of a new bible study to teach, new job, new feel. I havent had much time to just sit and think on my own. I am constantly being fed what to think, what to know, what to memorize and what to dream. I would love to simply pick up a book and read for my own pleasure. For character building, for meaning. But I am stuck reading about chemical compounds in biological substances, essays that other people have written that I do not understand and information about health that is halfway common knowledge. I am choosing to study this, therefore, maybe it is my choice to read this material. Either way, I am still not thinking thoughts of my own.

Mason has decided to challenge me in this lately. We had never once argued(more so debated) any subject until it was brought up that I actually enjoy that. So they begin. I can defend what I believe. I enjoy it. He usually has a way to change my thoughts a little, but it is nice to be challenged on information that I think on my own, not information that I am supposed to simply memorize and correctly fill in the bubble on the dredded test day. It is nice to take a stand and be passionate about something, even if I am just making something up to prove him wrong. It is a break from the books and an entrance into the heart of what matters.